Canon Ball
by Aetheron
Summary: Faith of Blood and Chaos meets BTVS Canon circa season 5. Hilarity ensues.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N - A while ago I was having trouble writing one of Faith's interludes. I somehow wound up writing this instead._  
 _This is **a** Faith from **a** possible future of of BaC (AKA I just assumed that anything I hadn't decided yet went in whatever direction would wierd Canon!Buffy out the most, don't read too much into things she says or thinks as far as BaC is concerned.) She landed in Canon the day after Intervention.  
_

 **-?!-**

Faith slowly stumbles into consciousness with a headache that puts her worst hangover to shame. Despite having woken up in a similar condition on a few occasions, she's even more hazy than usual on what happened to her the previous night. She can't recall getting drunk, or anything else that might have led to it, happening the night before.

Just… a vague recollection of bright colored lights, a loud roaring sound of air rushing past, and maybe some sort of odd falling sensation? Sideways though, not down. Was she thrown through a wall? That might explain her choice of uncomfortable napping position; sitting upright in… uh...

Forcing her eyes open in defiance of her own brain's most painful protests she confirms that her body really isn't lying to her, and that she really is sitting half-upright in a bathtub with her arms handcuffed to the pipe. Fully clothed too which, to her mind, ruled out any of the fun explanations for her situation. Given that the best she can tell, it looks like she's in the bathroom at G's apartment… she might even be okay with that last bit of boring news.

Screwing her eyes shut again as a wave of nausea hits, and exhausted from whatever it was that gifted her the migraine, Faith drifts back out of consciousness despite herself.

 **-Giles' Bathroom : Sometime Later-**

Faith is pitted against reality once more when she's awoken by familiar voices shouting in the next room over.

Focusing on them, she can even make out some of the words whenever one someone speaks up a bit.

Giles is saying something about calling someone? Something- No, someone is… still in her cell?

A voice Faith doesn't recognize says something about robots.

"No… a Slayer." B's voice, sounding even more annoyed than usual, but Faith relaxes a bit knowing she's there.

"Ooh! Maybe ... Toth... Like Xander that one time." Faith smiles, Red sounds way too excited (as usual) about… whatever Xander apparently did.

Taking a deep breath, Faith opens her eyes. Fortunately, it seems that the headache took the light sensitivity and nausea with it when it went away in her sleep. Being a slayer is awesome, Faith decides for what must be the gajillionth time. She starts struggling to her feet in spite of the handcuffs, but is only halfway done before she realizes that she's not as alone in the room as she thought.

"Hey... Doofus..." Faith half greets, half groans, at her not-so-favorite brother, "help a girl out?" She shakes the handcuffs at Spike.

"Ah. You're awake then?" he asks from his seat on the sink, without moving to help her.

Faith scowls at him for a second before even noticing his condition; one eye swollen shut, the rest of him not looking all that much better, more bruise and scrapes than not. He points a cigarette at her and opens his mouth, but suddenly Faith connects the dots in all the wrong ways and groans again, this time with more enthusiasm, cutting off whatever he was about to say. "Mom throw you out again?" She really hopes she's wrong because her brother is the absolute worst houseguest. Especially when he's being mopey. The other option, that Drusilla might _also_ be visiting, is deemed too taxing upon her sanity to even consider at the moment.

Spike, having already turned halfway towards the door to alert the others that she's awake, pauses and looks back at her. "What?"

Faith shrugs at her eldest brother as best she can with the cuffs on while she finishes standing up. "You don't usually visit us except for like Christmas and shit unless you and Mom have some sorta spat. It ain't a holiday, so… what happened this time? Do we get to mount another Chaos Demon's head over the mantle or did you trip and fall into some slag's-?"

"Spike!" Buffy yells as she slams open the bathroom door. "You were supposed to tell us if she woke up."

"Sup, B! Any chance you have the keys? I know I said you should indulge your kinks more, but I'm startin' ta chafe sumthin' fierce over here."

Faith furrows her brow at the confused and hostile look her girlfriend shoots her. Did they have another fight? A concussion might explain the headache she woke up with.

"Ummm…" Dawn adds hesitantly from where she's stuck her head in the doorway.

"Dawn, no! I told you to wait in the living room!"

"Oh, come on B, it's not like she's never walked in on us before. Christ, at least we're wearin' clothes this time."

Now rapidly reddening, Dawn suddenly looks like she's choking on air. Her hands slip from the door frame and she stumbles into the bathroom.

Faith misses the echoing chorus, all variations on 'What the hell!?' that follow her statement, distracted as she is by suddenly noticing that her niece looks to be at least a few years younger than she was the previous day.

"...Well… _shit_. That ain't good."

 **-Giles' Living Room: Sometime Later-**

Faith, now tied to one of Mr. Giles' chairs, rolls her eyes at the group assembled across the table from her. She's added 'thinks rope and a wooden chair would stop a slayer' to her list of things that don't add up.

"Faith Dormer. Deputy, Sunnydale Sheriff's Office. Badge Number 002." Faith repeats, again, in as bored a tone as she can manage to the people she's still trying to decide between being imposters posing as her friends… badly, given Dawn's incorrect age, or she woke up in Suckworld the Second. Either way, they seem keen on imprisoning her, and she's all too happy to be as unhelpful as possible in return.

"Yes. So you've said. Many times in point of fact." Giles responds, polishing his glasses.

"Yu _ **p**_." Faith pops the 'p' sound as hard as she can. "I mean, you do know the definition of insanity, don'tcha?"

"Yes. Quite." Giles sighs, putting his glasses back on. "Given our history, I suppose it was a bit much to hope that any half of you would be willing to cooperate."

Faith's brow furrows, and she shoots Giles a look intended to more genuinely question his sanity. "Half a' me?"

"Argh!" Buffy throws her arms in the air as she lurches to her feet. "This is going no where. We don't have time for this; Glory is still out there!"

"Great!" Faith practically beams. "Untie me and go deal with… wait… Glory? The looney toons blonde that dressed like a call girl?"

As the barrage of startled looks and new questions rolls over her, Faith just sighs and settles in for a long day.

 _"_ _...Faith Dormer. Deputy, Sunnydale Sheriff's Office. Badge Number 002."_

 **-Giles' Living Room: Even Later-**

Faith stares at the pendant, currently pulling itself towards Giles' front window. She glares across the room at "Buffy," the imposter that the pendant is most definitely not pointi- Faith frowns and looks at the hair threaded through the chain more carefully before muttering a halfhearted, "oops," under her breath.

"Oops? What do you mean, oops!?" The girl claiming to be Buffy asks, folding her arms over her chest and glaring right back at her.

Faith, making a mental note of which way Harmony is as she begins threading the other blonde hair from her wallet into the chain of her pendant, shrugs sheepishly. "Wrong blonde?"

Before Buffy can decide how to respond to that, Tara puts a reassuring hand on her shoulder and whispers in her ear.

Another moment's focus and the pendant begins to tug on her hand again, this time directly at the… mostly likely not an imposter Buffy. Faith moves her hand back and forth to be sure, and the pendant tracks Buffy back and forth in kind. "Huh… Okay then. I guess you ain't pod people."

"You thought we were pod people?" Willow looks offended at the notion.

Faith shrugs. "I wake up and you're all actin' like psychos, so… yeah? But the spell just said you're you so I guess not."

Giles smiles flatly. "Does this mean you'll talk to us now?"

"Sure." Faith shrugs, flopping down onto the couch. "Why not? Ask away Bizzaro-Giles."

Before Giles can so much as open his mouth to repeat any of his numerous questions about what Faith knows about Glory, Willow leaps in first. "You can do magic?"

"...Yeah? It ain't exactly hard. Well, the small stuff anyway. Harms and I try stay the fuck away from the more violent or complicated spells." Faith gives a small shudder at her recollection of that little bit of oops. Ah well, their eyebrows grew back. Eventually.

"Wait. Harms..? As in Harmony?"

Faith tilts her head and looks at Buffy. "Yeah?"

"Harmony _Kendall_?"

"No. The other Harmony." Faith drags her hand down her face in frustration as these poor imitations of her friends all look to be giving that statement serious consideration. "Oh, _Christ_. Yeah, Harmony Kendall."

"You're friends with Harmony!? But… she's a vampire!"

"No she ain't… and... so fuckin' what?" Faith points at Spike who grins to himself in appreciation of someone finally remembering that he's dangerous and not just useful for guard duty when a crazy slayer breaks out of prison and then… teleports into Buffy's house? Spike still isn't exactly clear on that part and no one seems willing to explain.

Faith takes a calming deep breath. She _so_ did _not_ miss having _this_ particular argument and had really hoped The Doofus had gotten them past that point like Jack had.

No dice on that it seems, Buffy just folds her arms and glares at her. " _Spike_ has a chip."

Faith sighs. "My idiot brother has a what now?"

Faith furrows her brow as everyone in the room, including Spike, suddenly stares at her again.

" _Now_ what did I say?"


	2. Chapter 2

**\- Giles' Apartment : After a Lot of Explaining and then Shouting of Things Expressing Disbelief-**

Faith shakes her head and trying to ignore the way that B had just stormed out of the apartment claiming she 'needed some air.' She had long since learned what that meant. But, as she usually does when they're having a fight, Faith does her best to focus on her work. Or at least the task at hand in this case given the apparent lack of a Sunnydale County Sheriff's Office in this version of reality. Besides, she thought, Giles and X-man would get her to calm down if anyone could.

Besides, she's hardly wanting for readily available distractions. Holding up the unfamiliar backpack, she raises an eyebrow at the embroidered 'Faith' on it. She keeps it raised as she looks back to Willow who'd handed it to her a moment before.

"What's wrong? Um... I mean... besides… you know..." Willow shrugs sheepishly.

"...I've never seen this bag before in my life. You sure I was wearin' it when you found me?"

Willow glances at Dawn, who nods. "Yeah, and it's… locked..." Willow trails off as Faith tugs on the zipper and it slides easily along the track. "How did you do that? None of us could open it. The zipper just wouldn't move."

"Freaky." Faith stares at the backpack a bit more carefully before finally deciding 'to hell with it' and pulling it open, revealing a small glass sphere giving off a faint yellow glow. Reaching in and pulling it out, Faith looks it over.

"Ohh!" Anya leans forward in her seat. "We have one of those too!"

"You do?" Faith looks at it closely for a second before setting it down on the table. "Any idea what it's for? I think I remember Jack having it when Glory showed up back home, but I was kind of distracted at the time. Could be important though, even if it doesn't explain why the bag is so hea...vy..." Faith trails off as she glances down into the bag again, frowning in consternation. "Okay, that was not there a moment ago."

Pulling the massive hammer out of the bag, Faith holds up the bag next to the hammer and confirms her suspicion that the hammer is indeed much larger than the bag it was just pulled out of. "Wicked! They finally figured out how to do that." Faith lets a genuine smile creep across her face, one of her first since waking up in this crazysauce version of home. "Okay, so this I remember. We use it to… Ahem… apply blunt force trauma to the perps. Repeatedly, on an ongoing and as needed basis to ensure their continued cooperation. Glory required a lot of extra convincing." Her smile turns slightly wistful at the memories. Who says you can't love your job?

"Whats with the croquet mallet?" Spike asks, walking back in with a fresh mug full of pig's blood.

"What in huh now?"

"The hammer you're holding? It looks like the one in the display case you lot lifted off that troll fellow 'cept it's been painted. See those blue stripes on the head and handle there? Looks like a croquet mallet."

"That the game with the balls and white hoop thingies?"

"Uh, yeah. You play?"

"No, but that's what's next in the bag." Faith upends the bag and six white… no, they're three full circles not six U shaped hoops. "What the shit?" Setting the hammer down on the floor as she crouches down, and studiously ignoring the loud groan of protest the floor gives in response, Faith pokes at one of the white circular rings. "That's… that's a pylean slave collar. One of the older models."

"A what!?"

"It's a dimension a short bit thataways," Faith explains without pointing in any particular direction. "The demons there keep human slaves in line with these things. Step out of line and it tazes you. Or, you know, blows your head up."

"How do you know that?"

"Jack and I pop over whenever we're bored… or need to blow off steam and sex ain't cuttin it." Faith rolls her eyes at the others' expressions. "What? Girl can't have a hobby?" She sighs at the continued stares. "We'd hit a farm or two and steal the slaves, take their collars and stick them on the local demon clergy before skidaddling after breaking the release mechanism so it was damned near impossible to remove them. They eventually came up with a newer version that wouldn't latch on to demons but it was a good time while it lasted."

After another moment of awkward silence greets her statement, Faith starts to fidget in her seat slightly. "...What?"

"Oh! I know this one." Anya finally speaks up excitedly. "You forgot to say, 'I guess you had to be there' at the end. That's what I do when they act like this after I tell them a story."

"Right…" Faith nods. "Thanks, Ahn. I guess they probably would need to have been there. Anyway… Like I was sayin tho, these are the older models. Someone painted them white for some reason."

Willow coughs awkwardly. "Is there anything else in that bag?"

"I don't think so?" She shakes the still upside down bag a few times to illustrate her point and then sighs as she realizes something is falling out with each shake.

By spontaneous mutual and unanimous accord no one acknowledges the large dildo painted to look like a croquet stake as it rolls across the table towards a suddenly wide-eyed Dawn. Instead they all watch as a glass vial, filled with a strange glowing liquid, makes a loud pinging noise as it bounces off the table and starts to roll away before hitting the sock that came out just before it. Finally, a fortune cookie comes bouncing out the other way and misses the table completely, winding up on the floor.

One last shake and one of the postcards Harms and Ames made out of the various Winters family photos falls out. Looks like last Christmas's if she's remembering the picture right.

Faith shakes her head, and tries to resist a smile as she flips it over. Looking at the back, Faith doesn't resist the sudden urge to curse at length as all the Scoobies present look on in confusion save for Spike who looks amused.

"Something wrong?"

Faith makes eye contact with Spike across the table and nods. "This," she holds up the postcard, "is mother's handwriting."

"Bloody hell it's strange to hear you call her that."

"Yeah, well, story of my life. Just be fuckin' thankful she doesn't make you attend the tea parties. Christ, that woman and the damned lemons." Faith stares at the postcard as one might a bomb before taking a deep breath and giving it a read...

 _My Littlest Moonshine,_

 _Miss Edith says I should help you pack for your adventure. Exciting things, adventures. Do remember to come home though, the stars are all agog to hear how it goes and shall be very cross if you never tell them._

 _-Mumsie_

Faith drops her head and begins banging it against the table repeatedly.


	3. Chapter 3

**\- Giles' Apartment : After a Lot of Explaining and Shouting of Things Expressing Disbelief-**

Buffy takes a deep breath and, with a reassuring pat on the back from Xander, pushes the door into Giles' apartment open.

"What the shit!?" She hears the new Faith yell just as the door opens. " _Me_ and _Xan-Man_ got it on? _Really_!?"

Anya's response is muffled under the sound of her sister's laughter inside and Xander and Giles' sudden coughing fits behind her.

She hasn't heard her sister laugh like that since mommy… since mom… passed.

Smiling sadly, she steps inside as the Faith doppelganger is leaning back in her seat, sipping from a half full glass of amber liquid.

 _ **"**_ _ **Dawn!"**_

Her sister's head whips around with a startled expression, the bottle of whiskey in her hands falling onto the table with a loud thud. "Buffy! Hi! What? No! I wasn't drinking!"

Buffy can feel her headache start to return. "...What the hell!?"

"Chillax, B. She was just passing the bottle back to Ahns for me."

Willow, looking for something to distract her friend with, grabs the backpack and holds it up. "Good news! Faith got the bag open. Not so good news… it was full of Drusilla's idea of camping supplies."

"Dru always did like Girl Scouts." Spike adds, lifting his mug and taking a sip.

"Mmmm…" Spike blinks and looks startled as Faith and Dawn both sigh throatily. "... _Thin mints_..."

"Huh? Oh… Right… the cookies…"

While Faith and Dawn smile at each other, Anya suddenly slaps the table. "Oh! And she packed something for you too!" Anya leans over and grabs… is that a painted stake? And then tosses it to her.

Snatching it out of the air, Buffy immediately notes that it doesn't feel right. Not like wood-

"Gah!" What she's actually holding finally registers in her mind.

That it has her name written on the side barely processes before it goes bouncing back across the room as she flings it away from herself. "Why would you throw that at me!?"

Anya shrugs, snagging the bottle as it rolls past. "It was for you."

" _Ahn_ … " Xander sighs behind her. "I don't think passing along cryptic messages from Drusilla-"

"Cryptic?" Anya sounds confused. "How is it cryptic?"

"I don't want-" Buffy starts.

"I think 'Go fuck yourself' is pretty direct, don't you?" Anya looks around the room for confirmation.

"-to know…" Buffy finishes, groaning.

As Xander walks around her with a pained sounding, " _Ahn… sweetie…_ " Buffy just barely catches Faith's sigh as she mutters under her breath. "...mother never did approve of me 'tryin ta shag the sunshine.'"

 **\- Summers Residence : The Next Morning (Saturday)-**

At the sound of her sister coming home at… Dawn glances at the clock… 6:30am, Dawn rolls over and tries to go back to sleep

At the sound of her sister stomping and clanging around in the kitchen, Dawn covers her face with a pillow in a futile attempt to block out the noise.

At the sound of her sister staggering out of her bedroom and into the bathroom a moment later, Dawn bolts upright, eyes wide. She can still hear the sounds of someone cooking in the kitchen.

 _'_ _Mom!'_

By the time she can hear the sounds of the shower starting up, Dawn is already halfway down the stairs. Grabbing the banister and wrenching herself around the corner without slowing down in the slightest she practically leaps into the kitchen.

"…oh."

The new girl, Faith number 2 apparently, turns her head and waves from where she's dancing in place next to the stove while poking at a frying pan with the spatula. "Mornin, Midget." She rolls her neck. "I forgot how not comfy that old couch was."

Dawn forces herself to smile back, though given the way Faith raises an eyebrow at her she doesn't imagine she succeeded all that well.

Huffing out a sigh, Dawn tries preemptively changing topics. "I'm not a midget! I'm as tall as Buffy!"

Faith grins. "Damnin' yerself with faint praise there, ain'tcha? The Dawnstah back home's got a couple inches on most of us. She's about as tall as Ames is now."

"Ames? That's your… uh... You mentioned her yesterday, didn't you? She's..." Dawn shrugs in halfhearted apology. "I think she came up right before Buffy noticed I was listening."

"Ha, yeah... Amy Madison. She woulda gone to school with... your sis."

"Amy… Wait, you mean Willow's pet rat?"

Faith's brow furrows. "You wanna run that one by me again?"

"Amy Madison? Turned herself into a rat?"

"And you people just left her like that?"

"Ummm… well…" Dawn takes a step back at the unexpected anger. "I mean, Willow's been trying to find a way to undo it for a few years now?"

Faith takes a deep breath, obviously trying to contain her annoyance. "Mind the eggs for me, will you?"

Taking the spatula as it's thrust in her general direction on Faith's way past, Dawn listens to the angry mutters as Faith begins to ransack her jacket and decides to stay out of it and head over to the stove.

"... Why are the eggs _orange_?"


	4. Chapter 4

**\- Summer's Residence - Living Room -**

"Hey... Macarena!" Laughing at her own joke, Dawn takes another bite of her eggs before pausing, fork halfway into her mouth. "Izzat armininy?"

"Of course it is." Faith answers without looking up from the tiny drawing floating just over her field manual as the ink shifts and flows, pantomiming the various motions necessary for the 'de-ratting' spell. Her ongoing attempts at mimicking the motions causing Dawn great amusement.

"...Why is there a Holo-Harmony dancing in your book?"

"Because my brother is easily amused and Ames is an enabler? Okay! I think I got this. You find that stuff yet?"

"...Duh." Frowning, Dawn sets her eggs down and puts her hands on her hips. "What? You thought I came back to make fun of you without getting the stuff you asked for?"

"You? Get distracted by something shiny? Never."

"Hush."

Faiths holds her hands up, the picture of innocence. "Just sayin."

Dawn glares at her for a short while before snorting, the two of them breaking down into badly controlled giggles. "Here." Dawn hands over the reagents she'd pilfered from the room Willow and Tara had been crashing in since Joyce had passed, trying to be on hand in case they were needed.

"Awesome, gimme a minute?"

 **-More than 'a minute' (Dawn counted) later-**

"Boom!" Faith snaps her fingers and points at the newly de-ratted Amy Madison. "Toldja I could do it!"

The beginnings of Faith's impromptu victory dance is cut short when, having effectively been dragged back into human consciousness and then immediately greeted by fingers pointed at her face and the realization that she's naked, Amy Madison begins to scream bloody murder.

Her opinion of the situation is not improved by Faith finding her reaction comical, nor by Buffy, still dripping wet and rather haphazardly 'wearing' a shower curtain, charging down the stairs with a battle-axe.

Finding no demonic cause for the screaming, Buffy sighs and rubs at her forehead before noticing Amy hiding herself behind the recliner. "Amy! You're human again."

"And naked! Can we please do something about that?"

"Oh!" Buffy, finally remembering her own state of undress, nods emphatically. "I'll get you a tow-"

The front door bursts open, an out of breathe Xander charging into the house followed closely by Anya, Willow, and Tara. They all pause just inside the doorway. "We heard scream- Amy!?"

 **\- Giles' Apartment : That Same Saturday Morning-**

Looking up from his cup of tea, Giles stares at the ringing phone and then glances at the clock, wondering who could be calling at this hour.

"Giles residence, Rupert speaking."

"It's Wesley. Very sorry to bother you so early, but we're rather at a loss for who else to turn to."

"Oh dear."

"Indeed. Do you know anything about parallel universes? Similar to ours but-"

"But with some of the details altered?"

"Ah. Yes. You're familiar with them then?"

"I find myself rapidly becoming more familiar with them of late."

"Excellent." Wesley's voice on the other end of the phone call gets a bit distant, sounding as though he's shouting to someone else. "Miss Kendall! No, sorry, not you- The other Miss Kendall. You wanted to talk to Mr. Giles?"


End file.
